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Lending Money To Friends Or Family Seems Like An Act Of Trust, But According To Gustavo Cerbasi The Non-Payment Rate Is Very High, The Risk Of Dependence Is Real And The Side Effect Includes Breakdowns In Friendships, Marriages And Entire Families, Thus The Rule Of Thumb Is To Give Only Once And Prioritize Help With Time, Organization And Tools
For Gustavo Cerbasi, lending money to close people tends to end badly. Finances turn into emotional conflict, the collection erodes trust and the promise of repayment is rarely fulfilled. In the planner’s diagnosis, around 95 percent of those who ask do not pay, creating frustration, resentment, and a gap that can extend from finances to relationships.
The central guidance is simple and direct: do not lend. If it is essential to help, give only once and with a clear purpose. Even better is to start by another avenue, offering time to organize debts, asking objective questions about the use of resources, and prioritizing concrete help like clothes, a computer to work, or practical support in restarting, avoiding fostering dependencies.
Why Lending Impairs Relationships And Assets
The creditor-debtor relationship shifts the conversation from affection to collection.
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When money comes in, communication goes out, and silence becomes a permanent noise between the parties.
The initial request may be for food or urgency, but the real use often diverges, reinforcing the feeling of betrayal and increasing tension in the collection.
At the same time, limited financial education ensures that resources received without counterparty are misallocated, widening the hole that motivated the request.
The result is a cycle in which the creditor loses money and the debtor loses the bond, with consequences that linger for years in friend groups and the family nucleus.
Cerbasi’s Rule Of Thumb: Give Instead Of Lend
Cerbasi is categorical in defining his personal policy.
Do not lend, give when the situation is unavoidable and only once. The focus is not to punish those who asked, but to protect the relationship and avoid dependence.
The donation closes the matter and prevents the emotional accounting of those who requested, waited, and did not receive.
Even the donation requires prudence.
Repeated gestures become predictable income for those who ask and stimulate new approaches.
Therefore, if there is help, let it be occasional, explicit and with a defined reason, without turning generosity into an informal allowance.
How To Help Without Putting Money On The Table
Before opening your wallet, open your agenda. Ask where the person got stuck, sit down together to organize bills and deadlines, offer practical help.
Instead of money, suggest goods and tools that unlock work, like appropriate clothing for interviews or a computer to generate income.
This approach has two virtues.
First, it avoids the diversion of resources to purposes that do not address the root cause of the problem.
Second, it generates autonomy and creates a healthy bond, where those who help drive the solution and those who receive go back to supporting themselves with their own effort.
Dependence Is Not Care, It Is A Trap
Improperly calibrated help creates a routine of requests and rewards, especially in situations on the street or odd jobs at traffic lights.
Repeated favoritism surpasses available social alternatives and institutionalizes asking, shifting the incentive from work to dependence.
Breaking the cycle requires coherence.
If the goal is to support, direct energy towards services and real alternatives, not towards a weekly cash flow that only perpetuates the problem.
Effective generosity requires saying no when a yes would sustain the same dynamic tomorrow.
When Money Implodes Marriages And Families
In the office, Cerbasi sees families frustrated by unpaid loans and by collections that have become taboos.
The financial conflict destroys communication and turns lunches into silent assemblies, with factions and accumulated grievances.
In couples, the effect is even more corrosive. High interest, vices, and solitary decisions drain the common budget.
When the subject of money disappears from the dialogue, the partnership unravels, even if the bills continue to be paid. What breaks is not just the spreadsheet, it is the project for two.
Two Mistakes Of Couples And The Practical Antidote
The first mistake is to merge everything and erase individual differences. In this arrangement, one lives the other’s life and resentment appears late, after years.
The second mistake is to separate everything into bills, leisure, and goals, until the couple cannot talk about our plans.
The middle way recognizes three interests at the same time.
What is mine, what is yours, and what is ours.
Open conversations without interrogating about isolated expenses, alternating personal projects and a budget that includes leisure and identity, not just bills. Planning is dialogue, not a spreadsheet.
Objective Checklist Before Lending
A pause and method help decide. Ask what the money is for and what the real urgency is. Offer time and organization before any amount.
Trade money for tools when possible. If you still decide to help, prefer to donate only once, with a clear purpose and without creating a recurrence.
If the answer is no, explain respectfully and indicate practical paths for income or renegotiation.
Declining the loan protects the relationship and your budget, as well as promotes responsibility for those who asked.
In your experience, did lending money work or end in weariness? Would you adopt the policy of donating only once and prioritizing help with time and tools? Share in the comments a real case where saying yes or no changed the relationship, what limits you established, and what approach avoided dependence in your circle.
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